Eid/ Saddam Hussain

Eid this time round has been a quiet affair. We didn’t really feel like celebrating seen as what happened last Eid. Some people say she had such a good kismat (fate) to pass away on such a special day, the day of Eid and she was such a blessed person. On the other hand, I know I can never forget that day and what we all went through, what Aishi went through. I mean I don't think I could ever forget but whenever I see other people out there celebrating Eid, it will always bring back what we had to go through. I just know it will never be the same again and that sucks.

Looks like this Eid was also a bad time for some other people. As I’m sure many people are aware of Saddam Hussain being hung on Eid day and if you didn’t where the hell have you been? I’m not saying he was a saint as he did some pretty awful things during his time in power but to take another life is not something I agree with. I mean killing him didn’t bring back all those that died at his hands and some people might say that he should have been made to suffer or perhaps kept locked up to induce some sense of remorse for his wrong doings. I DO know that it was distasteful to hang him on Eid as its something I didn’t expect just the same as I wouldn’t expect the them to say, hang a Christian on Christmas day, it's just not an acceptable thing to do, but then again neither is hanging someone so what the hell. Hmm the world we live in :(

Once upon a time…

Christmas time and I’m watching the assortment of movies that BBC and the other channels put on every year. It got me thinking about my childhood and how much I enjoyed watching these movies. Do remember as a young child when you were told stories by your teachers/parents/grandparents and every story they told had some kind of hidden message; a moral to each story. Those messages were meant to teach you a lesson and hopefully you would go onto remember them in the future. Man, I haven’t heard one of those stories in such a long time and I miss it. I miss being a kid, simpler times :)

Well what with it being Christmas and all, I recently overheard an elderly gentleman tell his grandchildren a similar story. The children were actually interested in what was being said; then again they were only 5 or 6 years of age. The story went something like this…

There was a little boy called Jack who was visiting his grandparents on their farm, along with his sister Susie. Jack was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He

practiced in the woods, but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged one day, he headed back for dinner a little sad.

As he was walking back he saw to the house, he saw Grandma's pet duck. Just out of impulse, Jack let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it by accident. He was shocked and grieved! In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile, only to turn around and find his sister standing behind him.

Susie had seen it all, but she said nothing. After lunch the next day Grandma said, “Susie, please could you help me wash the dishes?” Susie replied with, “Grandma, Jack told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.” Then she whispered to him, “Remember the duck?” So Jack did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, “I'm sorry but I need Susie to help me make supper.” Susie just smiled and said, “Well, that's all right because Jack told me he wanted to help.” She whispered again, “Remember the duck?” So Susie went fishing with Grandpa and Jack stayed at home to help Grandma.

After several days of Jack doing both his chores and Susie’s, he finally couldn't stand it any longer. Jack went to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, “Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing. But because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Susie make a slave of you.”

The elderly gentleman was actually much more animated with his story telling complete with actions, different voices, sound effects etc. What a cool granddad! Lol. At the end of the story, he turned to his grandchildren and asked them what they thought the story was trying to telling us. So I ask you the same question, what do you think the moral of the story was?

Message of the story:
Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done that the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.). Whatever it may be, you need to know that God was standing at the window.

He saw the whole thing and he has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that he loves you and that you are forgiven. He was just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you. The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness, he not only forgives you, but he forgets. It is by God’s grace and mercy that we are saved.

So yea a bit of religious message, but I liked it and just wanted to share it you guys :)

Xmas hols – helping begins

Christmas holidays are here once again and once again Dad made promises of doing some DIY in the house and once again I’m still not convinced he will get round to it, lol. Don’t get me wrong I love my dad dearly, though at times he does test me and I do have a lot of faith in him - shocking I know! - but he always seems to get caught up working or helping someone out or this or that.

I know I’ll probably get really tired of waiting around and I’ll do the work myself. Just in case your wondering, my dad still complains about the hallway saying how he would have done a better job and actually if I’m totally honest he probably would have. My dad’s a perfectionist as am I, but to be fair he has had more practise over the years :)

But you’ve gotta give me some credit, I took the initiative - actually scratch that mum practically forced me to do it! I um… made the effort to do some DIY on my own and err, it doesn’t look that bad. In fact, I’m quite pleased with myself so :p

So far in my hols I’ve managed to help dad fix leaky taps in the other houses, plaster ceilings and a few more odd jobs but nothing in our own sweet home as yet. Since I swapped rooms with mum and dad, I’ve been wanting to get rid of the huge monster fitted wardrobe so I’ll have more room for all my rubbish as dad calls it, lol.

Billy’s nativity play

It’s that time of year again. Uh oh… or should that be ho ho ho? Sorry I just couldn’t resist the stupidity of it :)

God I remember my school plays, we all got divided into these groups somehow-
1) Can’t be arsed – got roles that weren’t too demanding
2) Goody 2 shoes – always got the good parts
3) Behind the scenes – didn’t require any roles, just liked being in charge
4) Extras – All the misfits who had to do something cos the school policy didn’t allow otherwise, lol.

I usually fell into the category of behind the scenes as I loved to help (come on… it was time off from school lessons) plus I didn’t like the feeling of being up on stage and being watched by a roomful of strangers. I’ve never been to a nativity play, well except my own school plays – I had to be there; it was mandatory! So this year on the day of my little brother’s play, mum was busy at home and as I had the day off I was asked to go instead. I’ll be honest, the idea didn’t have me jumping for joy at first but Bilal seemed really excited about the whole thing what with all his practising this past week, so I decided I might as well. Plus the alternative was daytime TV and it’s not like I’m missing much there. So that’s how I found my self in the school hall, on my day off, surrounded by parents armed with camcorders ready to give the death stare to anyone who got in their way and ruined the camera shot - terrifying?! Hell yes!

The play was actually very good, some funny moments were had, the singing was lovely and they remembered most of their words. Watching the play, I realised my brother Billy falls into the category of “can’t be arsed” as in he has the enthusiasm and is quite good mashAllah but can’t be bothered to put it to good use. Billy was in the front row, singing his little heart out and much to my amusement, swaying along to the music. Particularly made more funny by the fact that none of the other kids had moved a muscle. No seriously, the other kids were stood rigid with only their mouths moving and some weren’t even making an effort to do that! Whilst in contrast Bilal, was having a little dance party of his own. Bless him! He kept smiling in my direction and I thought he was pleased to see me. I then realised that my dad had come to see Billy’s play and was stood behind me – basically the little dance was to impress dad, Bilal the weirdo! Anyway dad left early for work and I stayed behind to speak to Bilal and say kind words of reassurance etc and how good he was and so forth.

Instead of Bilal being the normal “silly billy” as in previous school encounters, Billy was now acting like he owned the school and showing off to his friends. He wasn’t too cocky with me though as he knew he’d get a right lecture at home and so stayed just on the right side of cheekiness… clever boy, lol. I’m actually quite surprised in this sudden change in Bilal in this last year or so; not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Anyway pictures up on flickr soon.

40 days

It’s been 40 days already and I can’t believe how quickly time has gone by. It feels like only yesterday that Aisha left us and all I can do is still cry. I can’t coherently describe how I feel, without breaking down and most people probably think I’m a bit of a psychotic what with my sudden changes in mood. The smallest thing somehow reminds me of Aishi and sets me off crying… even at work, I felt like such an idiot. I’ve turned into one of those overemotional people that I used to stay clear of as I don’t know how to respond to them without breaking down myself. I have probably made a lot of people uncomfortable over the last month; but I do appreciate everyone that has been around to help. Yet deep down though it still doesn’t make up for the fact that I’ll never see Aishi again.

I guess it’s true what they say about taking things for granted. How I wish I could turn back time to help my little sister and make her better, instead I just feel this enormous amount of guilt that I didn’t understand what was happening to her. I think my mum and dad probably have that feeling from time to time, my mum probably more so than my dad and I just don’t know what words I could say to make it all better. I guess it’s partly because it’ll never be right again.

I also feel angry as well because if this was all the time that she had with us then why did he make her suffer? Why not let her enjoy what little life she had? I don’t understand why my little brother Bilal doesn’t feel the same sense of loss that I do. I mean he’s not a baby anymore, he understands what is going on or perhaps he just didn't feel as close to her as I did? Everything is so confused right now. I was told that by praying with a true heart during the holy month of Ramadan, anything we ask for is granted, which filled me with immense feeling of optimism. I wasn’t asking for money or fame… instead I prayed and begged him to spare Aishi and relieve her of her suffering, to make her better again… so why is it that he didn’t listen? Was my heart not pure enough or did he just not care?

I feel so stupid for thinking that we would see a miracle and when that didn’t happen, I guess I felt… abandoned. I went through a phase of not believing in him anymore as he failed to come to my rescue or more specifically my sister’s rescue. Since that day though I still continue to pray and even recited the whole Quran on my own so that I could bless my sister, but I feel like I’ve lost a part of me. I’m not sure if it’s the loss of Aishi or maybe the fact that I think I don’t any longer have 100% belief in my religion anymore. I still pray but I see it more as a duty as opposed to previous times when I prayed because I wanted to connect on a one to one basis, share my fears and successes with Allah and thank him for being there for me. It’s like when I put my trust in a friend and they let me down, I still forgive them but I don’t trust them the same as I used to do and I guess I become a much more guarded person around them. It sounds stupid but I feel like that with Allah, I put my faith in him and he let me down at a time when I needed him the most.

The month of November saw the loss of another family member, Uncle Javid. We went to pay our respects and usually at these places I offer my condolences and sit quietly in a corner to think about the changes that the family must be going through and how hard it must be for them. However this time round instead of giving words of comfort to uncle Javid’s daughter, I ended up crying and as I cried I suddenly realised that I was crying more for my sister rather than my uncle passing away. I felt like such a selfish person and ended up apologising to Nilofer, who mashAllah was very together for her mum and younger brother. I felt so stupid for not being able to stop myself for crying and had to step out of the house for a while. On my way out, I managed to catch a look on my younger cousin Sara’s face. I'm not entirely sure if it was disapproval or just pity.

I know it sounds a bit cynical but at funeral’s, I used to look at people when they were paying their respects and wonder if their tears were for show or for real; and if they were real were they expressing genuine grief for the person who passed away or other feelings such as guilt etc. I guess I never really thought that deeply about until I had to go through it myself. I mean I have suffered the loss of loved ones before such as my grandparents passing away and it’s not to say I wasn’t close to them but more that I didn’t see them everyday. When I do think about them a part of my brain just tells me that I’ll just see them this summer and then I have to remind myself that they are actually no longer in this world. With Aisha it was more a case of that I was with her 24/7 and even though she couldn’t physically walk or talk that much, I could tell what she wanted to say. For these past few weeks, I wake up every morning and as usual I make my way to Aisha’s bedroom to say morning, give her a cuddle and just indulge in idle chit-chat with her before getting on with the rest of the day. Nowadays I find myself stopping mid-way and realising that there is no Aisha there to speak to and to have a cuddle with.

I can’t explain how for those few moments in the morning, how strong the sadness is that engulfs me and throws me off balance. It’s like someone just punched me in the stomach and I’m having to gasp for air. I get that feeling from time to time during the day and I just can’t seem to get over it. The more it happens, the more I seem to lose control over my emotions and turn into a weeping mess. I know others won’t understand and it doesn’t matter to me what they think but she IS my closest friend, the best sister I could ask for. I just wish I had a bit more time to spend her like I did this summer. I’ll always have our memories but it’s just not the same as the real thing…

Sisters forever

I found a poem a while back but re-reading it now, just makes me rethink things that I used to take for granted. I really wish I could turn back time.

I look at my friends, then I look at me,
Without my hunnys, where would I be?
My friends, my sisters, my shadow, my world,
Where would I be without my girls?
Tears, giggles, smiles n laughs,
Late night phone calls n cute photographs.
I’ll be there for you till the day of my death,
Best girlies forever, till my very last breath.
xXx

A beautiful duaa that I wanted to pass onto all my beautiful sisters.

May Allah give you; the mind of Hawa, the purity of Maryam, the faith of Asiya, the love of Khadija, the knowledge of Aisha, the Imaan of Fatima, And grant you the favour of being with them in janat, Ameen.

Busy, busy, busy...

Oh my god, I have had months of nothingness to do and now all of a sudden there’s this mad panic to get everything done! Sana’s wedding over and done with, Ashar’s wedding over and done with (had a lovely time and will put picture’s up on flickr soon). Summer hols were so good, I’ve loved spending time with just my mum and my sister, just us girls together! It has been AWESOME!

Dad and Billy arrived back in the UK at Heathrow on the 6th September. The last few days before that I had a mad panic trying to get the hallway decoration finished. It started with me being extremely bored one night, had run outta DVD’s to watch and seen as mum kept asking me to redo the hallway, I thought why the hell not? Eh?! Turns out there were a lot of bloody good reasons not to! There I was at 2am with my trusty wallpaper steamer by my side, stripping wallpaper which was quite therapeutic, but the cleaning up - not so much fun. The wet glue eventually dried, which is great as it doesn’t stick to your hands but not so good when it dries fast sticking to the flippin laminate flooring. Damn! The stripping of the paper only took an hour or so, it was the cleaning up that annoyed the hell outta me (Grr!) It’s nice that I can now look back and laugh about it now. Oh the hilarity!

I think my mum was slightly shocked the next morning. I managed to get a cold (apparently according to Tyagee (my dad’s cousin brother) it’s a combination of the steamer and the wet glue which creates humid conditions that lead to me acquiring this cold. I’m not sure if he’s being serious or just having me on!

Anyway the last week or so has been me (on my own may I add!);

• Stripping wallpaper (Great fun)
• Cleaning up remains of paper (Not so much fun…)
• Sanding down walls (Got covered in plaster dust from head to toe)
• Painting all the wood work (Skirting boards not too bad but we have 9, yes 9 doors leading off from the hallway – the no. of times I had to go up and down the frigging ladder!)
• Putting new wallpaper on the ceiling (Bloody nightmare doing it on your own, hair covered in paste. Not a happy bunny!)
• Putting wallpaper on the walls (Much simpler, thank god it wasn’t patterned and it was just plain lining paper)
• Painting the whole hallway, ceiling and walls white (mostly cos mum couldn’t decided on a colour… she just had to do one thing… pick a colour…argh! I love my mum really)
• Repainting just the walls in the hallway in the colour “wheat”, which is basically cream or magnolia I guess. (I’m pretty sure mum said she hated magnolia but I didn’t want to point this out at B&Q seen as it took her forever just decided on that one colour)
• Repainted the inside of the cloakroom in white as well and put shelves up inside it (so we have more space to store, well a lot of stuff we probably don’t really need. Ah well I do as I’m told…lol)

Wondering how I did all this on my own?! Well my dad taught me well… that and a lot of tantrums when things didn’t go my way. But I think it worked out well in the end, lol! My biggest challenge I think was the bloody coving, I managed to cut my hand a few times with craft knife trying to get the correct corners. Again last summer, we put coving in the living room and that was basically just a rectangular room and still we had difficulty with it. Yet my mum still did not learn and I think the conversation went something like this;

Mum: "Wow doesn’t that coving look really good Saima?”
Me: “uh huh” (not paying attention at all)
Mum: “It really brings the room together, doesn’t it?”
Me: “Hmm” (still not listening properly)
Mum: “How much do you think we’ll need for the hallway?”
Me: (Slowly realising where this is going) “Not sure mum, why don’t we go home and check the measurements of the hallway (and vowing never to bring her back to the DIY store)
Mum: “Oh don’t worry I’ve done that bit, I’ll just ask that man over there to help us…”

And off she went. 15 mins later I’m putting strips of coving into the boot not having a clue how to do this without my daddy to help me! Normally if the room was a simple shape I wouldn’t mind having a go but my hallway was another matter. Many awkward corners… I’m assuming it was built that way just to annoy the hell out of me. I finally managed to get the job done with a lot of crying … and a lot of help from Uncle Mirza (Ashar’s bhai’s dad!). The hallway complete, I even took mum shopping so she could dress up the hallway with fancy light fittings, new rugs, flowers, wall hangings etc. How nice am I, eh? Actually I just lost the willpower to argue and followed mum out the door; just SO tired!

Anyway after collecting dad and Billy from the airport and being stuck in traffic for ages, finally made it back home and my dad’s reaction to the newly redecorated hallway was not how I expected it to be. I expected him to say something along the lines of “all by yourself? … really?... well I’m glad you’ve learnt something from me!... and you didn’t fall out once with your mum over the DIY?” (ok well that last one’s a bit of a lie, lol) but no my dad’s reaction was, wait for it… “Oh. You’ve changed it”. Just so calm, lol! Maybe it was the initial jet lag or something cos the day after he was checking every nook and cranny, which was quite amusing. Bilal’s reaction was just a lot of giggling… not sure if that was cos of my DIY skills or perhaps he had something dodgy on the way home when dad wasn’t looking! Ah well at least it’s done now. Next time I’ll try not to be so impulsive, lol.

Independence

Happy Independence Day to both Pakistan and India – a bit late I know but what the heck!

I bet my little brother Billy had a wicked time – they always make a big thing about it in Pakistan and I’ve always thoroughly enjoyed it whenever I went abroad during my summer hols.

Just thinking about how some countries are celebrating their independence after fighting so hard for it all those years ago and then there are countries that are struggling to find their feet after going through such a major upheaval within their country … referring to places such as Iraq if you haven’t already guessed.

Anyway looking forward to Ashar’s wedding on the 31st of august the second family wedding this summer. Honestly I’ve waited ages for at least one of my cousins to get married and now all of a sudden two happen at once. We planned Sana’s for ages but I think Ashar’s was a big surprise; not that he wasn’t ever going to get married, but more along the lines of that he never dropped any hints that he was planning it!

Right off to go do some work now… not quite sure what though, lol!

Woohoo!

I’m in! I’m in! I’m in! WOOHOO!!! Will update later! Right now too hyper! :P

Summer Hols/ DIY

Dad and Bilal left for Pakistan for these summer hols on the 2nd August and it feels a bit weird without the pair of them around the house, but in a way it’s nice to spend time with just mum and Aisha. No stressing or running around after Bilal etc, it’s nice just to enjoy each others company and have some time to ourselves.

Took on the huge task of swapping rooms with dad as my room is the quietest (apparently). Also although both rooms are a similar size according to my dad, I have a lot of crap (I don’t think so!) and since his room is larger (only slightly), I’d be better off in that one. So whilst dad is off on his hols, I’m swapping our things around. I’m having to go past Aisha’s bedroom lugging furniture etc and every time I’ve passed her doorway I always manage to catch this funny look in her eyes. It’s the one that makes me doubt myself and think that I may actually be as weird as Aishi thinks I am. She has this way of making you feel like a complete nutter and that she’s the only sane person in the room… which was probably true at that moment in time.

It’s funny how much stuff we collect over the years without realising and everything seems to be all really really important and you can’t throw it out… ever! OK so I admit it, it turns out I do actually have a lot of stuff but at the same time my dearest daddy also has an equal amount of stuff but the difference being his is really important or so he reckons. I found invoices of things he bought from the year I was born. Why does he need that anymore?! Actually thinking about it a lot of the men in my family are hoarders… must be a genetic thing, lol.

I couldn’t handle shifting anymore stuff around so I decided to take a break. Currently I’m covered in dust (due to moving dad’s stuff that hasn’t been shifted in years!) and sat with Aisha who’s making weird faces at me which either a) she thinks she’s being funny or b) she wants me to leave her room as I’m making it look untidy - the latter being much more likely although our Aisha does think she is a funny funny girl! Had a talk with mum and discovered that she wants us to decorate the hallway (Translation: she wants ME to decorate the hallway) before dad gets back as it will be a nice surprise fro him. Did my parents not learn after how long it took us to wallpaper the lounge last summer?! Mum and I can’t even agree on a colour for the walls at the moment (I want light blue but then again I don’t really care and mum wants light pink… eww, never gonna happen!) Other stuff aside from the decorating to look forward to (urgh) is Ashar bhai’s wedding at the end of August. Yay!

Right I’d better get back to lugging stuff around. I’ve managed to dismantle my bed and now need to put it back together otherwise I won’t have anywhere to sleep tonight!

How time flies...

I still can’t grasp how quickly times goes by! Just a few months ago, I had so many things that needed to be taken care of before the summer finished and the year came to an end. Waiting to hand in my dissertation, end of my final year at uni, the graduation ball, my graduation day, family weddings, hols abroad and so on.

One of the things this summer was my cousin Sana’s wedding, which felt like it went on forever, lol. But then again she was the first one to get married out of my generation plus it was a whole lot of fun and it certainly kept the family busy.

12th Nov 2005 – Nikkah (Islamic wedding ceremony)
24th June 2006 – Registration (Requirements of British law)
27th July 2006 – Mendhi (The equivalent of the hen night)
29th July 2006 – Baraat (The wedding reception from the Bride’s side)
30th July 2006 – Walima (The wedding reception from the Groom’s side)

I will eventually get round to putting up the pictures I took at the wedding up on my flickr website at some stage and even if I don’t plenty of my other family members have done so already!

Marriage migration

What's going on???

What is it with everyone from the UK and the USA going over to areas in the east to get married? This last month or so, I’ve seen an unusually large number of people (especially the asian population) going abroad. Or has that always been the case and I’ve only just realised it now? Is there something going on that I don’t know about?!

Graduation Day!

I can’t believe that the day of my graduation turned out to be the hottest day of the year! The fact that I had to wear a huge black robe was not good, lol!

My horoscope for today..."Grab that crazy idea that's been simmering in the back of your mind, because today is a day when the impossible is possible! Whatever windfall of money, attention or credibility you receive right now will provide the tipping point and pave the way for success. It's in your best interest to get involved with other people. Reach out and put on your best networking personality. Ask the people in power a lot of questions, and get yourself noticed. Things are in motion. ".... Hmm, yea well I'll be waiting!

The start of the day was panic as usual at my house! Aisha is still in hospital and although she’s recovered well from her chest infection mashAllah, she wasn’t due to be discharged until Thursday which is tomorrow. Mum and Dad got up early to go and see Aisha in the morning, whilst Billy and I were at home. Just as I was about to step into the shower, Saeed Mamoo and Abdullah came and Bilal decided to stop getting ready and started playing with Abdullah instead.

I knew my parents would be late as usual so I got ready earlier as I had to go and get registered at uni and collect my gown etc. Picked up Dina on the way and of course her family were also still getting ready (I think lateness is a common asian thing!) Got to uni and found a parking space quite quickly, which was quite surprising (3 years at uni and everyday was a struggle trying to find a decent space to park… my final day at uni arrives and all of a sudden it’s stress free parking… a bit ironic really). Got our robes and hats sorted (got laughed at by shiraz as I was adjusting my robes and also met a lot of parents (not random people but the parents of my class friends such as of Dee, Indi, Hafiza and a few others). Met up with the rest of the class outside the hall, Maria, Dee and a couple of other people from different courses (Mukhtar with literally his whole family having a family portrait taken… such a classic moment! I can’t believe they all fitted into one portrait! Still gobsmacked about that!)

How weird is it to finally be a graduate! Most of us had worn suits today plus with our robes over the top, we were practically being baked! Make up was also not a comfortable thing to be wearing today, lol! We then had to walk (very carefully seen as most of us had heels on… over the cobbled path) to the opposite end of the campus to the hall where the ceremony was being held. Had a bit of panic because the students had to go and be seated before the guests and my parents and little brother still hadn’t arrived and I couldn’t go until I showed them their seats. Dina also in similar panic. Finally my family arrived and I went and sat down in my seat next to Liz (Elizabeth), soon accepted the fact that the air conditioning was soo not working and also managed to panic a little when we then realised that we were up first as alphabetically our names were at the top of the list. Had a bit of a giggle when we saw our lecturers enter the hall in their ceremonial robes… especially Dr Harrington who looked um… err… different, lol! At 1.45pm in the Great Hall, the ceremony soon got started, apologises were made for no air conditioning (lol), speeches were made, apologises from Mr Imran Khan, as he was attending a cricket match in Headingly. Honestly some people! Actually I'm not that bothered to be honest as I got to meet him earlier on, lol.

Besides the man who gave me my degree was the vice chancellor Chris Taylor and I’m glad it was him, as he’s an extremely nice man and even managed to share a joke with me when I was up on stage (I was a bit nervous, but did manage to mumble something funny/sarcastic back in reply, which did make him chuckle… But I can’t for the life in me remember what he or I said … poor memory considering it was less that 24 hours ago!) So pleased that I managed to make it off the stage without falling over and smiled at my parents as I made my way back to my seat. Relaxed after that and clapped and cheered for everyone else as they came and went. I just realised that the second ceremony that took place after ours had a honorary graduate called Mr John Player… I saw him on my way out (you know that feeling when your a bit slow on the uptake?) and realised that it was my high school headteacher from the Grange Technology College. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him but I just thought how weird is it that he received his award on the same day as my degree?!

After the ceremony, mum and dad went and had something to drink seen as it was so hot! We decided to take the family portrait at a studio at a later date when Aisha comes out of hospital. Unfortunately mum and dad couldn’t stay for long as dad had to get to work and mum wanted to go back to the hospital to stay with Aisha. I wanted to stay for my group photo which was to take place at 3pm. After my family left, I spent the majority of my time drinking plenty of water to stop myself from passing out, seriously it was that hot! I spent my time catching up with lecturers and friends that I hadn’t seen for quite a while (and meeting their parents as well for the first time in 3 years… parents of my friends not the lecturers, lol!) A lot of posing going on for pictures today! Had a lot of fun (despite the sweltering heat!) and have plenty of pictures of the day, which will soon be uploaded onto my Flickr account.

It feels slightly weird that this group of people that I spent the majority of my day with for the past 3 years won’t be there from now on. I mean I know we will still take the time to keep in touch and meet up with each other every so often but it’s not the same as well basically living in each others pockets like we have done for the past 3 years! I’m just amazed at how quickly the time flies by, I mean it feels like yesterday that I just started uni and got used to being a uni student and the freedom and it’s all gone by in just the blink of an eye. I have truly loved every moment of it and have so many memories of my time at uni. I’ve done a lot of learning (I don’t just mean in my lectures) and all in all the experiences that I’ve had I feel have helped make me the person I am today. I intend to carry out some further study in the future inshAllah to further my career but even though I am sure I will enjoy that period of my life when the time comes, I know deep down that it won’t be same as those previous moments. I guess it’s true what they say about taking life each day at a time and enjoying and making the most of the it as best as you possibly can. I’ve included a poem that I got from Dee basically of the good times we’ve all had together.

As I sit here in class,

I observe my friends

And look forward to the year

Coming to an end.

It's gonna be sad

To say good- bye.

I'll miss everyone.

I know I will cry.

I remember the day

When I came back

To be with my friends

And get on the right track.

We had so many moments;

Some bad, most great.

I'll always remember the love

And erase the hate.

I don't wanna say good- bye

To all my friends

I don't want this year

To come to an end.

Some of the biomed group will be graduating this December either through personal choice or because of certain circumstances. So hopefully the rest of the girls and I will be joining them then, just like they came along today to celebrate the good times we’ve all had. University truly is a great experience and I would definitely recommend it everyone. I’ve some of the best times of my life during my years at uni and I hope there are many more to come, inshAllah!

Graduation Ball!

Date and time: Friday 16th June 2006, 7pm onwards.
Venue: The Victoria Hotel, Bradford
Occasion: The Biomedical Sciences Graduation Ball!

What a fantastic night and I’m so glad that we decided to go! So pleased that most of the biomed girls turned up, shame about the boys but then that’s their loss. A big thank you to Li and the rest of em' for all their hard work and help in organising the ball and a special thanks to one of my best friends Meera for accompanying me to the ball. I'm definitely gate crashing Meera, Mahria and Zahida’s ball next year as it's a shame that we couldn’t spend our final year together. Although I had a fab time with the rest of the girls, I did have some of those moments where I really missed their company at uni or just having thoughts like that they would have really enjoyed this moment! (Memory: Meera and I in the uni refectory with a pack of cards, lol! God it annoyed the hell out of Mahria!)

Anyway back to the ball, the hall was decorated so nicely and the lecturers were all really relaxed and having a good time! It was nice to see a few familiar faces such as Isabella who had taken a year out to go on a placement. The DJ was great, however the food wasn’t as great as we would have liked. The starter was a posh version of a pizza with goats cheese (urgh!), the main course was either the veggie option of a mushroom risotto (I’ve never actually seen grey food until that night :P) or the non-veg option of halal chicken with a potato thing (the sauce was so rich that I think we were all feeling a bit sick after, lol!) The desert was a chocolate tart (Dark not milk but hey chocolate is chocolate after all, lol). Not meaning to complain but it gives me new meaning to the GGM sketch of wanting the blandest thing on the menu! The food was the only thing that was not quite right but it didn’t spoil the night one bit.

After dinner, the DJ started to get more comfortable, lecturers started to relax… with rather large amounts of alcohol and EVERYONE got up to dance. I think we all had a bit of a giggle when Dr Brinkworth became a bit too inebriated at one stage and began doing some kind of chicken dance, lol! Bless Dr Thornton as she stood by him whilst he did his um...“dancing”! During the dances Marya decided to go up to Professor Tobin to see if he would take a picture with Meera and I, which embarrassed us both to no end. We look so sheepish in the picture! The night was followed by a lot of dancing students and drunken lecturers! Marya did however stop for a rest from dancing and as she put her scarf down on the table, she managed to burn it on the dinky little tea lights set in the middle of the table. I’ve never seen something burn so quickly! Marya was slightly hysterical but the girls managed to calm her down by um… well dancing a little more, lol! The PhD students also managed to set fire to their menu’s and so after that it was decided we should put out all the tea lights. Everyone had a great night, took loads of pictures and soon it was time to go home.

As we got off towards the cars, we saw some of the other biomed people outside. Apparently they had ditched the biomed ball for a party at the students union – shame on you! Anyway Dina and Iffat decided that they would stop off at the uni party to see what was going on whilst me and Meera stopped in the car. I think we might have been slightly overdressed for uni considering the number of looks we got. Finally Dina and Iffat decided to return and we all got home slightly late. Can’t wait till graduation day – hope it’s just as much fun! All in all a top night, from start to finish and a lot of pictures and memories to keep for ever! :)

A perfect quote from one of Dee’s emails…

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!"

…and we most certainly did. So perfect for our night out! :)

The Fallen

I was recently watching a rerun of a channel 4 documentary entitled “The Falling Man”. It was based on the September 11th attacks that took place in the USA in 2001. Although I wasn’t in the USA at the time or connected to anyone involved with the incident; I was actually quite surprised at how upset I got just by watching the documentary. Thoughts about all the people who had died and how their families must have felt at the time.

I had one of those flashback type moments to the day of the incident. September 11th, my 2nd week of life at sixth form… so excited and looking forward to fulfilling so many dreams and ambitions! I remember coming home early because I had a free period (Sorry…err study period) and switched on the TV to watch the lunchtime BBC news. I remember seeing scenes of the planes crashing into the tower and I initially thought that it was some scene from a movie that the public were probably so enraged by that it had made it onto the news. Then I realised that this was a reality and not some movie scene. I remembered the weeks after the incident… awkward to say the least. People were so much quieter and everyone watching and analysing each other, such an uncomfortable atmosphere. People just seemed so unsure of what to say or how to act around each other. Uncomfortable times for everyone in society and not just the followers of Islam. Even though certain things will never be the same again, communities were beginning to forget… well no not forget but forgive or something along those lines.

Unfortunately the London attacks that took place in July 2005 seemed to stir up the hatred and uneasiness again. Today is the anniversary of that unfortunate incident and seeing those same images on the news again was so sad. I can’t imagine how the families of those who died must feel everyday of their lives. Hopefully time will heal and things will begin to improve in the future, inshallah. It’s a shame that because of a few misled people in society, how they have created such unfortunate circumstances, how they have fallen. My love, thoughts and blessings to everyone out there.

Tell me what you want!

At the risk of sounding like I’m having a rant, I still decided to post this. This may sound a little arrogant but throughout my academic life I’ve done well in my exams (mashAllah) and maintained a good academic record. I try and do everything to the best of my ability. I get on well with people, whether as a team member or as the leader. I admit I am a bit of a perfectionist, perhaps bordering on being a bit obsessive at times, lol.

I think back to my first of year of uni and remember how I attended probably about 95% to 98% of all my lectures. I was so afraid I might miss something really important but I’m glad to say that this fear eventually died down in the following years. Over time, I developed my own style of learning that I was comfortable with as did my friends. In contrast, some of my year hardly ever turned up to lectures as they were busy enjoying what the student life had to offer. I guess everyone has their own way of learning and my point is that I’ve always tried to be the best that I can be and I know that there are many others like me.

Bearing that in mind, don’t you just hate when you give something your all and it still isn’t enough! I studied my arse off this work and just missed out on an A grade by a couple of percent! 2%! Now I know how that sounds but my god, I did everything that was expected of me and then some. I think I did more than was required as per usual, but this time I didn’t get the grade that I wanted. I went over and over it in my head and still couldn’t pinpoint where I could have improved! I know how arrogant this probably sounds, but honestly I’m not like that, lol. I’m not even sure why this got to me so much. I’ve calmed down since I received the mark, but I guess I just needed a place to vent so I don’t end up being all crazy about it, lol.

Right I’m done now :)

Friends

Aah, the first part of my university life is drawing to a close and I’m sort of having these moments of reflection quite regularly. Friends made, funny things we said, the pranks we played. Some “in jokes” that a select few will understand and some… well you had to be there, lol. Just thought I’d share some stuff with you :)

Someone was struggling with some software late one evening. The guys being helpful as always;
Imran/Riazul: “Heh. Look at this… Intel inside, idiot outside”. A few seconds later… “Damn that was a good one weren’t it? Hai, hai?”
Fits of laughter from everyone, plus a telling off from the librarian.

1st year Microbiology lab –
Colm: “Morning all” He grabs his lab schedule from the locker and walks into the lab.
Dr Parkin: "What the hell do you think you are doing?”
Everyone turns to look. Colm still has a cup of coffee in his hand! Bad move. Especially in front of the head of department. lol

1st year lectures and everyone is really rowdy for some reason.
Dr Tobin: “Right settle down. If anyone is still talking by the time I’ve finished counting, you’re out of my class!” *Everyone rushes to their seats* “5…4…3…2…1!”
Riazul: *whispers* “Happy New Year!” as he takes a seat behind me.
Dr Tobin: “You there!" (he points at Riazul) "GET OUT!”
Riazul: “Err Saima your b/f is way out of order! Not cool”
Dr Tobin: “OUUUTTT!” Riazul was the only one to get kicked out of class that day, lol.

1st year, Iffat gets caught texting during the lectures. Dr Tobin takes her phone off her. Pretty soon everyone realises what has happened and starts sending text messages and missed calls to Iffat’s phone. It’s ringing and vibrating like crazy and Dr Tobin can’t seem to switch it off. He looks up, shakes his head, laughing with the rest of the class and beckons for Iffat to come to the front and sort it out.

Testing out lung capacity in year 1 –
Me: “Right next test. Who wants to have a go at the lung spirometer?”
Mahria: “I’ll do it and you can do what you need to do.” I get Mahria hooked up to the machine and go off to find a calculator.
Me: “Zahida, keep an eye on her, she might feel a bit faint. Stop the test if she does” and I walk to the front of the lab. I walk back just in time to see Mahria nearly faint and fall off the stool and run to catch her.
Zahida: Laughing and horrified, “Oh I’m so sorry. I forgot about her!”

Measuring our pulse and heart rate in 1st year physiology. In pairs - Zahida and Mahria Vs Meera and I, are working side by side.
Mahria: “Saima, I can’t find Z’s pulse! What shall I do?!” she says in a quite unnecessary and panicky tone. I look up at Meera and smile.
Me: *pretending to cry* “I’m really sorry Mahria, there’s nothing I can do. It’s just too late!”
Meera: “Yea we’re sorry. Zahida was a top lass though.”
Resulted in me getting hit by Zahida but a grin from Dr Wood who saw the whole thing.

1st year Biomed when we had Friday morning tutorials for the Anatomy and Physiology class. 200 strong year of biomedic’s segregated into smaller groups and “mini-teams” so that everyone got to know each other better. I think it was our fifth or sixth tutorial of the year and we separated into a mini-team - Me, Naeemunisha, Indi, Afeera, Iffat and Haroon. Somehow I’m group leader and we’re working through the questions, when suddenly a hung-over Indi pipes up…
Indi: “Wait, how do you know all the answers?”
Me: “Cos I was listening”
Indi: “When?”
Me: “This morning’s lecture”
Indi: “What? You mean the tutorials and lectures are connected?”
We all stop and stare at him ;)

Meera and I are sat in the university refectory and I’m trying to explain the rules of some card game. Mahria and Zahida walk in…
Mahria: “Ok girls, this right here…” (she taps the table where we’re sat at). “This is very sad. Even Zahida has more fun than this sitting in her little box at night”.
Cue a bewildered look from Zahida and Meera and I in a fit of giggles. The cards were abandoned.

Sat in the refectory and with Mahria, Zahida and Meera having lunch. Can’t remember who started it…
Zahida/ Mahria: “What does PETA stand for?”
Me: *being funny* “Protection of eating tasty animals”
Zahida/ Mahria: *looks confused* “Really? I thought they were meant to protect the animals?”
Meera and I can’t help but laugh.

Anatomy and Physiology lab class -
Dr Wood: “Ok, I hope you’ve all read your lab schedules, we’re studying muscle tension today. Right class, watch this video please”
After the video…
Amreen: “Oh my god, I’m glad I don’t have to do that!” Cue a technician bringing us an anesthetised frog. Amreen’s jaw hits the floor, total silence.
Me: “Err, why do you think we were watching the video?”
Later on Iffat isn’t available, I’m making the incisions and so I hand Amreen the muscle.
Amreen: *shrieks*: “Ah! What, do I do, what do I do?”
Everyone is smirking. One of the lads from the back pipes up “Amreen – EAT IT!” Everyone is laughing, including Dr Wood and all the technicians.

Year 2 Biochemistry lab. Cholesterol experiment, which involved practicing how to draw blood for testing purposes. As we enter the lab;
Nafees: “Watch all the girls faint at the sight of blood. Hahaha”.
Class ends, no girls faint. One boy faints – guess who? ;) Nafees smacked his face on the bench on his way down and managed to get his tooth chipped and have a nosebleed. Despite our sympathetic nature, the biomed year teased him mercilessly for a long, long time!

Year 2 Cell culture practical -
Me: “The standard deviation formula is typed out incorrectly on this sheet”.
Mahria: “Don’t be stupid, Dr Tobin is never wrong. You should know that, hai Saima” She says winking at me
Me: “He may be good looking but the formula is still wrong. I’m telling you!” 15 minutes later…
Dr Tobin: “Right class, it’s been brought to my attention that the SD and SEM formulae are wrong. Correct ones are on the board!”
Dr Tobin walks to my bench, winks and says “Thanks Saima” and walks away. I grin and look at Mahria.
Mahria: “Wink and grin all you want Saima. Deep down he hates you cos you made him look like a fool. A fool I tell ya. A FOOL!!!”
At which point a lot of people stopped what they were doing and stared at her, lol.

Final year of the pharmacology group, was severely lacking in numbers as everyone fled to the other disciplines such as microbiology, biochemistry etc. Something to do with all the blood and gore apparently ;)
Girls – me, iffat, Amreen, Jo, Christine, Maria (nelson)
Boys – Indi (Inderjeet), Shaun (Shaundeep), Imran, Romaine, Nafees, Ali, Rich
Cue funny moments from the lads who were a proper laugh, lol. We were soon joined by the other medics from Leeds University, which made us feel less like lepers and led to more good times, lol.

In Prof Obrenovitch’s lab for final year project. I enter from the prep room into the lab early one morning, whilst my lab partner’s (Will and Mustafa – Leeds medics) jump out at me from the office and shout: “SIM - SIMA!!!!! SAIMA!!! Argh!!!!” which made me scream, as I didn’t think anyone was in yet. After calming down, I could not stop laughing. They finally got their revenge on me for a prank I had played on them previously. What I don’t think the boys realised was that Prof Obrenovitch and Dr Urenjak were also in and were now just staring at Will and Mus thinking that they were crazy!

One of girls trying to make some formula work on an Excel spreadsheet. Screen freezes. I tell her what to do.
Me: “Press the CONTROL, ALT and DELETE keys at the same time”
Friend: “Where’s the control key?” (She shouts across the computer room. People stop what they’re doing and stare at her in what I think is disbelief)
Me: I smile… “Erm, it’s the key that has CTRL written on it in the bottom left hand corner”
Friend: She jabs away at the keyboard; “Oh ffs! Saima!!! I’ve done it and I’m still not in f**king control”.

I’m sat with the Asma’s (both tall and small), Mahria (nelson), Dina, Marya and Abbey in the computer room. It’s the PCR workshop, I’m on the phone. Abbey’s mouthing something to me and I can’t understand it. So she types the following onto a word document; “Cannot find file data. Should I fake it? (Y/N)”. Not sure why this had us in fits of giggles!

Classic Dina as she’s trying to explain something to one of the guys… “I'd explain it to you, but I’m afraid your brain would explode.” LOL

There are sooo many more, but then this post would go on forever, lol. People feel free to add whatever you guys remember.

So my final say then – guys and girls; it has been such a laugh and a real pleasure. Here's hoping there are more good times ahead :)

Photo Storage

Since switching to my digital camera many years ago, I now find I take many more pictures as I can pick and choose which shots I want to keep without wasting any film. Also I cam email the images or post them online to share with family and friends without any major problems. A good thing :) The bad thing… editing the images and storing them in a suitable order can be time consuming. Also the old photos that I have in family albums, of which there are many, I can no longer find the negatives to as they have been lost or damaged over the years. Therefore ideally I would like to have back up copies of these photo’s; the only way being sitting down and scanning each individual picture… which may take a long time after seeing how many family albums we’ve amassed over the years. Any ideas people? Or better still anyone got a lot of free time on their hands and loves scanning pictures?

P.S. Currently listening to Outkast and I just remembered something else - Polaroid pictures. "Shake it like a polaroid picture" as Outkast would say. I know I'm going off on a tangent here but I can't help but wonder where have all those camera's have gone? And yes I know, my mind works in weird ways :)

Decisions made easier

Thinking about my future career and what area I should choose. I’ve always had an interest in paediatrics from the beginning, mainly due to the number of different children’s hospitals that I’ve been to with my sister Aishi. But because of my personal curiosity in Aishi’s health, I’ve also developed an interest in neurology. Being a fan of CSI has made me think that pathology would also be an appealing choice. Confusion or what?! Whilst reading up on the different disciplines, I found this flowchart extremely helpful :P

Where would you fit? lol!

Humour

I would describe my humour as slightly sarcastic. Ok maybe more than slightly (lol), but I can also be quite goofy or just downright silly. It just depends on my mood and the company I’m in. Overall though I think I’m nice about it and hope I haven’t offended anyone. And if I have I apologise straight up as I hate bad feelings between people. Nevertheless I’ve watched others use humour as a cover, which they hide behind whilst making comments that hurt people as they make jibes or insult them. Not very cool people! Yet… it is highly satisfying when the person being attacked strikes back with some fantastic putdowns and leaves their attackers completely speechless. Classic!

I witnessed one of these classic moments in the uni library today. Ok so I was eavesdropping but so was everyone else sat on the surrounding tables. The group was talking quite loudly so you couldn’t help but overhear plus I’m pretty sure the attacker wanted an audience to hear what they had to say as they insulted the unsuspecting individual. What they didn’t count on was the quick thinking of their intended victim who turned the tables on them, leaving the group reeling as the individual exited the library with their head held high. The shamed faced group left with no comeback as they walked past the tables full of fellow uni students giggling into their textbooks after witnessing what had just taken place. Lessons to be learnt = a) never underestimate your opponents and b) don’t be an idiot in the first place. I wonder if the group members are still thinking of a suitable comeback, lol.

P.S. On a side note, don’t you just hate it when you think of a really good comeback and I mean like a really good one… but you’ve totally missed the boat. For example when you wake up at 2am in the morning and think “damn, that’s what I should have said then!”, but the moment has passed. I’m just saying that’s all ;)

Friend's funny one liners...

Humaira – “Sarcasm is acceptable. It’s your body’s defence against the stupid”

Customer at the call centre – *heavy breathing on the line* -“I haven’t got a pen so I’m steaming up the window to write the number down” WTH?

Meera – "People who are really photogenic type shouldn’t put their best picture up online. You just end up being really disappointed in real life."

Zahida – Summarising audiology… “So basically girls say one thing and guys hear something else entirely different?”

Dee – "Girls tend to have a bigger ego than guys on websites. But in real life it’s the opposite, right?"

Me – "Google stuff before you ask. It's like the virtual worlds equivalent to 'look before you leap' "

Guys and girl's; anymore to add? ;)

Joke time

Ooh I haven’t posted a good joke in a while so here’s a couple :)

Surgeons...

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

This joke made me giggle a lot. I have no idea why! It's not even that funny, lol

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Feel free to post some decent ones :)

Information technology

I love using technology but I also have issues with computers;

1) Useful programs i.e. Endnote and SPSS – Really useful programs especially if you are writing up your thesis or writing up papers on a regular basis. Just so damn hard to get to grips with in the first instance and bloody expensive license fee especially if your still a student like me!
2) New technology – Looking into buying a new laptop. Sony looks like a good choice but really expensive. Apple computers seem to be taking over but they don’t seem to do a right lot apart from act as a music library… which windows also does in addition to other useful (not to mention compatible!) programs. I’ll sure there are plenty of people out there ready to jump to up and defend Apple. But I'm just saying how I feel people, lol.
3) PC usage – So you’re at university, you have no laptop - low battery, forgotten it at home - whatever the reason, you wonder into the computer centre, uh oh! Let me explain, computer centres at uni are always busy during the day and the crowds only start thinning out when uni’s done for the day – about 5ish. Basically good luck finding a computer if you have some work that you urgently need to get done. Ok so some people are doing genuine work but most aren’t. Unwritten rule of the PC room, you don’t ask anyone to vacate their PC just because their Facebooking or whatever – it’s just not the done thing. Therefore you spend the next hour or so wondering desperately trying to find a free seat.

Oh by the way, I doodle. It’s my thing. Not sure why but I just do. Just thought I’d share :)

Hold my hand? (Part 2)

Right on cue my mum rang. I assured her everything was ok, that I would stop with dad and that she should go back to bed as there was nothing to worry about. As I returned, dad asked if my mum was ok and I said she was. He looked as his watch and motioned that we should get going as it was approaching 2am. But we hadn't been seen to yet. “No worries Saim, it’s just a cut, I’ve had worse! Nothing a few plasters won’t fix. I’m sure you can manage that can’t ya, you would-be medic?!” he says laughing and pointing to the oozing wound. I told him he was gonna need stitches and quite a few by the looks of it. BAD MOVE! Never tell a nervous person they’re gonna need stitches. Big No No! I saw Dad eyeing up the door to the A&E department which I guess that must have been the “flight or fight” response kicking in. Except he’d done the fight bit and now it was time for the flight part :P

Thankfully the doctor called out dad’s name so he had no time to escape. Phew! The doctor was a nice Nigerian man slightly younger than dad – “Ah Mr Ahmed, that looks quite nasty. I’m afraid you’re gonna need a few stitches.” Dad looked a bit nervous again so I replied on his behalf - “Yea that’s fine” I said with my hand on his shoulder, just in case he made a run for it. He lay down on the examining bed and looked at me. At that moment I saw something in his eyes. Fear I think. And it instinctively made me reach out and squeeze his hand. During my hospital placements, just listening to a patient and holding their hand makes such a big difference. Giving them a hug is even better – at the appropriate moment of course. Whether they are in pain, sad and lonely or even happy, there is something about the human touch that is just so comforting. No other feeling comes close to it. Even at home with Aishi, if we’re watching TV, I’ll often hold her hand just so she knows I’m there. I mean she can see me and hear me but just holding hands – it’s something she used to do a lot when we were kids and it was comforting to me in many ways – knowing that I had someone by my side. Therefore even though I’m not overly touchy feely, part of me feels compelled to do it and so I guess I’ll continue hold to hands when it’s required of me :)

As the doctor administered the pain relief, my dad winced. So I leaned closer and told him that I was here with him and that he could squeeze my hand as hard as he wanted. Funnily enough as the doctor started suturing dad’s wound, it was me to started to feel my knees to go a little as the needle went in, which was a first for me. I don’t think it had anything to do with the suturing as I’ve seen it done many times before and had a few go’s myself. But more likely to do with the fact that somehow I could feel the pain that my dad was in and it wasn’t a nice feeling. I’m pleased to say I did not faint and that dad stuck it out. Afterwards as we were walking out of the treatment room towards the car park, dad spoke up - “Well that wasn’t bad at all!”. I’m glad he thought so and I’m sure in a few years time he’ll accuse me of going over the top with the whole incident and state how he wasn’t scared at all. Because that is what my dad is about – he is always the brave one, he’s the one in charge and even if he is worried he doesn’t let it show. But for those fleeting few moments that night, I saw the little child in my dad - someone who does have fears. Even if it is over trivial little things like having stitches. I’m in two minds over the whole thing. I mean I got to see a side of my dad that shows that he isn’t always brave and that he can have moments of insecurity, just like everyone else and that no one is immune from it. Yet at the same time it scared me to see that my dad can have insecurities. He’s just another normal person and not the image of an indestructible man that I had built up in my head since I was a child. Over time as I’ve grown up, I’ve seen these situations for what they are and they’ve made me realise that everyone has their weaknesses, that no one can’t be strong all the time and you shouldn’t take them for granted. So for now my dad can still continue being the brave one in the family, the leader, but at the same time I’m aware that just like everyone else, he too needs a break every once in a while.

After the hospital, I drove the police officer and my dad to the police station where they carried out various formalities whilst I waited in the car. I then took him to his car to collect some to his belongings and we walked back to my car. As we walked dad held out his hand to me to cross the road, like he used to do when I was a little girl. At 20 years old, I didn’t think that that was necessary and yet again something in my compelled me to just hold his hand. No questions were asked, nothing was said and as we crossed that road, Dad was the leader again and I was just Saima. That was good enough for now. I just hope that when the time comes, someone will hold my hand too when I need them :)

Hold my hand? (Part 1)

On his way home one night, my dad came across a rather argumentative drunken man which resulted in drunk man being arrested and my dad sustaining a blow to the left side of his face and a deep bleed, just missing his eye. The police informed me know of the incident and explained that I would have to collect my father as they needed to car for analysis (?) and his injuries meant that his visibility would be compromised for driving. Eek! That scared the hell out of me, what do they mean compromised visibility? I reassured mum that I would let her know what was going on and set off for the hospital in my car.

During my drive, I thought about the moments where I’ve had to be the grown up for my parents. When dad was stranded in Pakistan due to some political BS, when the doctor’s confirmed that something wasn’t right with Aisha, when my grandparents passed away, when my mum’s was pregnant with Billy – I stepped up each time as a sense of duty crept over me. But at the same time it gave me an insight into my parent’s lives – how scary must it be to be the one in charge, the one that everyone looks to for guidance. I’m not saying I did everything but those in those few moments in my life, I had to be the grown up, the strong one for my mum and dad. I had to take charge of my immediate family and look after Aisha and Bilal, who looked to me for guidance and protection and explain what was going on with mum and dad. It’s a scary feeling that’s for sure!

I arrived at the hospital and found my dad amongst the others that were injured and looked a bit bewildered and shocked. A number of emotions hit me. Sadden that someone had attacked him, anger at the person who did it and irked by the long waiting times which was further exacerbated by exam time at uni. Stress! As I approached dad, I saw a sense of relief wash over his face - probably because he had found someone he recognised. My dad is not a big fan of hospitals as he’s always associated them with bad news (Aisha and my grandparents are enough past experience to convince him of that) and he’s definitely not a good patient. I remember that he wasn’t exactly over the moon when I chose a profession in which being exposed to people suffering on a daily basis is something that will soon become a normal thing for me. Don’t get me wrong, he thinks medical professionals are great… as long as he and his family don’t have to have to encounter them and I guess I understand where he is coming from. I think as a father, he always tried to protect me and my siblings from things like that and then I go and do the exact opposite.

I’ve seen worse people brought in during my hospital placements, but looking at my dad’s injuries was scary for me. Everything changes when it’s someone you know, especially if it’s someone close. I saw the beginnings of a black eye and maybe even a fat lip – it was like he had been in pub brawl. The cut made by his glasses, was pretty deep and wouldn’t stop bleeding - so much so that his shirt was fairly soaked. Dad has a bit of a nervous disposition when it comes to hospitals. That coupled with the blood in his eye, blurring his vision made him more panicky and with no glasses and significant pain – well needless to say he was getting restless. So I sat and talked to him. He started cracking jokes and with the blood still steadily flowing down his face and wincing from the pain, he re-enacted the um... “fight”. You have no idea how much that calmed me. Not the fact he was injured but the fact that he was back to his normal self – it sort of signalled to me that as dad was being dad, I could continue being me – as in not in charge of the family. But not just yet....

The Apprentice 2006

Sir Alan Sugar with series 2 winner Michelle Dewberry

Woohoo! It’s finally over and I’m so glad that Michelle won the series! Although the girl didn’t do anything particularly impressive and seemed to fade into the background throughout the whole series, I still preferred her. Ruth was a good contender but my god was she a backstabber (Episode 10 – Syed well n truly gone!). Anyway it’s true what they say; it’s always the quite ones, lol. Last year it was Tim and this year it was Michelle.

Last series I did actually want Saira Khan to win – yea she did have some cringe worthy moments but overall was a good determined business woman, a bit like Ruth this year. There are a lot of similarities between the two series of the apprentice. Last year’s cocky guy was Paul Torrisi and this year it was Paul Tulip; must be a thing with Paul’s especially if they’re from Yorkshire. The crazies were James May from last year and Jo Cameron in this year’s series! I can’t end without mentioning this year’s idiot – Syed Ahmed. Yea sure he is a good businessman and he is good looking (I’m not gonna deny him that) but he did have some really piss taking moments. A bit of a liar, conman, inability to be patient and used to getting his on way etc. Sounding a bit like all asian men really... just kidding! He was good but I don’t think he would have been chosen in the end even though Sir Alan did take a bit of a shine to him. I would have liked to see him put through the interviews though and see if he’d be able to BS his way past some of those interviewers. Wonder if he’ll ever look back and regret some of the things he said (He’s from the east end don’t you know?!) and did (Chicken pizza incident very amusing! lol!). Anyway what’s done is done. So basically he’s a bit of an idiot at times but I still quite like him for some reason. Guess some people just need to think things through before doing anything. Hmm… sounds a lot like other people I know, lol.

As you may have gathered I am a bit of an apprentice fan and thoroughly enjoyed both series though I did miss the first part of this latest series due to important stuff like university and assignments etc. Final year does take priority! Anyway both series were excellent and I’m looking forward to the third series next year. Out of all the reality shows out there, I have to say that The Apprentice is the best one by far. You learn new things, people are actually working, being creative, as opposed to the mind numbing qualities of the latest Big Brother series and on top of all that you get to see Sir Alan’s cheerful face each week! Grrr! What’s not to like? lol! I never though I’d say this but a reality show is actually my favourite show at the moment! Uh oh… what is going on in the world?! lol!

Muslim Bioethics

Revising for exams and the issue of religion and science popped into my head. The reality is that they just do not gel well together and conflicts often arise. And yet it is those two things – science and religion - that are probably the most important things in our lives. They define our existence. I often wonder whether the decisions I have made or will make in my career are influenced by my religious outlook. For example;

Abortion –
Quite a few religions are against abortion as basically it’s seen as murdering an innocent life. Even medical professionals agree that taking a life is ethically wrong so there’s no dispute there then. Science even defines a point at which it is acceptable to do so and when not to – it makes logical sense. My issue isn’t the point of termination in the pregnancy, it’s whether it should be performed at all and at what cost? Certain religions do have ‘get-out’ type clauses if you like. If the mothers’ life is in danger, victims of abuse or rape, drunken one stands, financial family issues, emotional instability – but who’s gives that final say; whether we should abort or not? You may be saving a life; but at what cost – social, financial, emotional, moral? Who decides?

Designer babies –
A process by which a child is perfected so that it exactly matches the parent’s specification. Eye colour, hair colour, predisposition to certain illness; they can all be manipulated by altering the genes/alleles of the zygote (fertilised egg and sperm). Aside from the ethical issues concerned i.e. playing god, what about the scientific/logical issues? Do we really truly know the affects of such alterations? The theory on survival of the fittest, by altering variation in the natural population what will be the long term effects? If everyone survives, won’t that place more strain on the health services and other resources, resources that are already being tested to their limits? Personally there’s something that doesn’t sit quite right with this area, for me anyway – both religion and moral standing.

IVF –
The process of providing medical assistance to couples who are unable to conceive naturally. There is some medical intervention but in my opinion a near enough natural process. This I don’t seem to have any issues with personally or that affects my religious beliefs. However others may disagree. If conception doesn’t occur naturally, then maybe it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. If the couple really wanted a child then they could adopt or foster children who have been abandoned. IVF also increases the chances of multiple births which could be unexpected and may lead to abandonment or issues of financial security for the family concerned.

Organ regeneration –
The process and knowledge used to replace congenital defects without having to wait for a suitable human donor to become available. This is one topic that I am in agreement with both ethically and religiously; however as with anything there are some downsides. There are issues of not caring for what we’ve been given i.e. bad diet, habits, abuse; and promoting the culture of replacing organs whenever we need. The ‘frankenstein’ feeling – people emotionally don’t’ feel comfortable with themselves as the natural factor is missing. What about the long term effects of having altered DNA in our bodies; will they get passed onto future generations or perhaps revert back to wild type mutations instead of having a controlled outcome?

Stem cells –
The so-called miracle cure for everything from baldness to reversal of certain disease processes, another topic that I’m in favour of. With regards to my religion, I feel this area is ok however it should be used with caution. In theory it seems like a fantastic idea as it reduces the introduction of foreign molecules/materials. By using the body’s own cells to manufacture/ repair defects leads to less chance of rejection or complications. And yet there’s still so much that we don’t know; it’s like we’re still at the front doorstep so to speak. The human genome project completed in 2001 was a great step forward, but it’s working out a way to use that knowledge effectively that is the most crucial part. The perfection of the differentiation and cultivation techniques is required and that requires skill and time… as opposed to rushing ahead to make waves and beating the competition.

Donors –
Blood cells have an average life cycle of 120 days and so health services require regular donors in order to keep their supplies up to date. Organ donors again are a good thing but perhaps clearer guidelines are required in order to avoid misunderstandings. For example quite a few people may carry around donor cards, but forget to sign them. Therefore when the crucial moment comes, confusion may take over the process and cause unnecessary delays. Maybe we should be promoting a system where making organ donation is perhaps a compulsory process and that people would have to opt out if it if they weren’t comfortable – the opposite of what we have at the moment. However I feel that choice of freedom should be respected as certain religions also have some constraints on organ donations and similar areas. It also brings up the issue of people that have a second child if there are no suitable living donors to save the first child – that is something that I'm not too sure of. But then again I’m not in the same position as those people, it’s far too easy to say things when you’re not going through it yourself.

There are so many more topics to discuss i.e. animal testing and so on. To conclude, I guess as with anything, science has its’ pros and cons as well but we need to be mindful of people’s personal feelings and religious outlooks. It goes without saying that each case should be assessed on their own merits and not as a 'one rule fits all'.

My Observations

Just finished a hospital placement and wow did I learn a lot of things! Genuinely impressed by some things and some things have just left me aghast! Why is it that sometimes some doctors always think they know best and completely disregard what the patient may be trying to tell them? I understand that the medics may not have the luxury of time, whereas as I’m a still a student and so the same circumstances do not apply to me. Yet. Sometimes just spending time with patients may actually help to reveal their true symptoms and the correct course of treatment. I found it surprising that quite a few patients don’t actually understand their condition, whether through language problems or just a lack of information or understanding. This results in the patient not taking proper care of themselves and consequently never really improving their condition. Rather than just labelling a patient as being difficult, a little spot of “health literacy” might improve the situation significantly; however time and resources always seem to be an issue.

Equally sometimes I think that doctors try too hard to help a patient. As a doctor your duty is to help people but sometimes it’s hard for them to accept that their help is unwanted and perhaps not needed as it may be misconstrued as meddling. But what is it that makes helping a person cross over into meddling in their lives? At the same time, the guidance that they do provide sometimes goes unappreciated and it can get to them. No one really understands how hard they work, how it’s hard to switch off at the end of a day. I may only just be observing but my god some of things I’ve seen do really stay with you even after you’ve finished for the day. Unappreciated, tired ALL the time, people are not respectful let alone grateful, you have no social life... I could go on. I mean I can totally understand how sometimes people just get fed up of being a doctor. But at the same time I’m grateful that those people come back in the next day and do it all over again.

And so onto my other experiences…

My first time observing an autopsy and well I can report that I remained on my feet throughout… which is more that I can say for some people, lol. It was an interesting experience but seeing another human being on the table like that, well it really makes you appreciate how delicate life is. Something I can still vividly remember is the smell during autopsy and let me tell ya, that’s not a good thing :( Observing on rounds, I’ve found that’s it is highly frustrating when patients don’t tell you their diagnosis and I don’t mean verbally. At university when you study an illness, the theory is followed up by doing case studies that seem to have a handful of clues sprinkled about, steering you towards the right conclusion. This sooo does not happen in real life, patients are most definitely not textbook examples. No one ever seems to be a perfect patient, with all their appropriate symptoms present and accounted for on your imaginary checklist. Point to note; going from patient to patient without washing your hands – bad! Basic training at university, we’re told to always wash our hands, regardless of whether you’re the doctor, patient or just a visitor. Something so simple yet effective. And yet whilst at the hospital, there are still so many people that forget to do it or purposely don’t do it. And they always have an excuse to hand (no pun intended :P ) – the sink/ hand rub is too far away or you don’t like the smell of alcohol etc.

Humour on the wards can be a right laugh and actually cheers people up - used in the right context that is. I suppose some people use it as a shield against all the bad stuff. For the medics, sometimes using witty remarks actually makes bad news easier to bear, I guess. And that leads me onto another observation of mine; about how close the medical lot really are. They all have their in- jokes and secrets and have such a strong bond with each other. Whether they’re trying to get with the times and be more tech savvy in the work place, dealing with difficult patients, the long hours that they all work together; I guess that all comes with the territory. Proper teamwork and it really does work. And I look forward to being part of it one day! So in conclusion, I for one am grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to meet such committed doctors. Despite all the crap things that the doctors pointed out, I’m still eager to become a medic and I think that amused a couple of them. At the same I think they were secretly impressed and I got a few comments of “glutton for punishment” etc accompanied with a wink and a smile :) Good times!

Conversations

Whilst returning from a rather interesting hospital placement…

Me: Oh my god. Can you believe that place, those people?
Friend: That was unreal. Some people are well arrogant.
Me: I can’t wait till I graduate. God I hope I’m not all cynical and hard hearted by the time that happens!
Friend: Nah we’ll be different. I mean good different.
Me: Wonder what it’s like to be a highly regarded scientist/clinician?
Friend: Amazing I bet. I would totally kill for a Nobel peace prize!
Me: Err… that sort of defies the point don’t ya think?
Friend: Huh?

A new category - Letters

Do you ever get into those situations where you have something that needs to be said to someone but it just doesn’t happen?

Thus this new category... letters that I couldn’t or wouldn’t ever post.

Hands up - who the geek?

…And that would be me (I think). No one else in my tutorial laughed at this joke except me and few of the geeks. I guess that makes me a geek too.

Actually on second thoughts, the other guys were a bit hung-over and probably didn’t even know where they were, let alone understand the joke...

Yep I’ve thought about it... and I'm retracting my earlier “admission” :P

JOKE:
A rabbit goes into a bar and asks for a cheese toastie and a pint. He eats the toastie and drinks the pint, then leaves.
The next day he walks into the bar and asks for a ham toastie and a pint. He eats the toastie and drinks the pint, then leaves.
The following day the rabbit walks into the bar and asks for a cheese and ham toastie and a pint. He eats the toastie, drinks the pint, runs around the room for a bit then drops dead.
“Oh dear” says the bar-man, “It looks like another case of mixin' me toasties.”

Ok I should explain…mixin’ me toasties (harmless) Myxomatosis (harmful). Check out the definition in Wikipedia for clarification. Geddit? It’s a play on words, lol. Wait why are you not laughing? It’s funny cos it’s… aww forget it!