Time to move?

I came across this article and thought wow, someone who is clearly well settled here in the UK thought it was a good idea to up root his family and move back to Pakistan. A country that well let’s be honest, in many people’s eyes moving to countries such as Pakistan is seen as taking a step backwards rather than forwards. This particular individual obviously however, didn’t share this notion and was fully supported by his family. The article struck a chord with me as I went through something similar in previous years.

I remember after Billy was born, I was about to embark on my Gcse’s and my father felt it was the perfect time to move to Pakistan… and I was all for it. You didn’t expect that, now did you? :) My first trip to Pakistan that I remember was in 1992 after which I didn’t go back for a long time until I started secondary school and subsequently visited two more times in 97 and 98. Everyone was so lovely and friendly there, the weather was great, we had our house in a nice and safe part of Karachi. I remember thinking that; yes, I would deeply miss my cousins here, who I was (and still am) very close to but at the same time I was aware of the changes in saw in my sister when we went to visit. The last few visits I had seen how Aishi was so much more alert and full of energy. I so desperately wanted her to be like me, able to pursue anything she wanted, explore opportunities available to her and not have any restrictions. And so as a family we made the decision to move. Dad sold his business here and we were ready to move to Pakistan. But that never happened.

My aunts and uncles stepped in and talked to my parents about this move. They understood that we wanted to help Aishi but at the same time our lives (Bilal and I) would be hanging in the balance. Even though Bilal would pick up the language quite quickly due to his age, I on the other hand would struggle because even though my speaking is good, my reading and writing skills in Urdu are considerably weak in comparison.

However we still went to Pakistan and got my youngest chachu married and everyone had a fantastic time. And then we returned home - to England. We moved away from Halifax, bought a new house, dad set up a new business and everything was going great (mA). After a year or so, I soon realised that was probably the best thing for us, No matter how lovely extended family can be, there is a HUGE difference between going there for a holiday for a few weeks and living there permanently for year after year. Don’t get me wrong, I like going to Pakistan. It’s where my parents came from and the roots of my extended family started in that country. But at the same time, when I took off my rose tinted glasses and compared my life here in England to my potential life in Pakistan and I could see some potential downfalls.

- I wouldn’t have had as much freedom as I do here, especially for women as family can soon change.

- Although sunny weather is welcome change from the typical British weather, Pakistani weather can become a bit unbearable after a while. Besides which I do actually like the autumn and the winter snow… I appreciate all seasons in equal measures, lol.

- The country doesn’t rank very highly worldwide and isn’t as stable due to issues such as economy, corruption, power shortages, culture/religion clashes, extremists and so on.

- People seem to have no sense of urgency and seem to have a laid back attitude to… well everything in life.

But there are good things as well. My parents are back in the country they were born, with their parents. I mean I’d hate to be away from my mum and dad and not be able to see then whenever I wanted and instead having to wait years for the right time to go and visit. There is also a sense of belonging as there is very little racism amongst people, practically nonexistent I would say? Other things include fantastic food, beautiful landscapes and fabulous sunny weather (even more enjoyable when the electricity doesn’t disappear for hours on end). It’s also a great place to go shopping and you get a lot more for your money (yea for inflation! lol).

But back to the point I was making, back then I was only a child and willing to move without thinking of the consequences but thankfully my parents were around to think about those things on our behalf. If anyone asked me to move back now, I’m not sure what I would say. I’m slowly building my life here, my career, my family, the friends I’ve made, those relationships that I’ve invested time in. I mean it’s not like there isn’t a way to keep in touch (phone, email, Twitter, Facebook and the list goes on) but it’s not the same as being face to face. I’m pretty independent so would I adjust well to the restrictions back there? My tastes in people, food, music, lifestyle choices etc all vary significantly from my cousins in Pakistan. That’s not to say that one is wrong or right, it’s just different, perhaps I would have been of a similar viewpoint had I grown up in Pakistan.

So all in all it was a good decision for all and there were no regrets… or so it seemed. It would only be in 2004, that we’d look back and think did we make a mistake? Should we have gone back then? Were Bilal and I to blame for Aishi’s loss? Trust me, it is an awful guilt to live with and although we don’t think about it all the time, that guilt does have a tendency to creep back to the forefront of your mind on those quiet dark evenings.