DONE!!!

Woohoo!!! My dissertation - printed, bound and submitted on time – DONE!
And I’m finally heading back to Leeds where I belong!
A friend’s sent me a T-shirt which summed up the past year of my life –

... funny I know :) Please feel free to order it from here if you really want to own one :)

So on Thursday night with my dissertation completed to my satisfaction, printed and nicely bound, I thought I could afford to relax a little the night before my submission deadline. TEDx Leeds on a Thursday evening with my cousins. Ok maybe a little geeky but I was genuinely looking forward to it. I should have been there... but instead I spent the evening surrounded by blank CD's waiting to be filled with study data and statistical analysis spreadsheets. I guess archiving my study data took much longer than I had expected. A little disappointed with not being able to go but at least I had the satisfaction of knowing that work wise everything was done properly.

I was so caught up in the submission of my dissertation (filling in forms and making sure my work was complete) that I completely forgot the date today. Upon my arrival at University, I had noticed an unusual number of people heading in and out of the church nearby but just it didn’t click in my mind. At around midday, the clock tower chimed, which for some unknown reason made me stop in my tracks. Oxford road, which is notoriously busy throughout the day, seemed to standstill as a sudden spell of silence descended upon it. I’m not sure if my mind was just imagining this quiet spell or if it actually was happening. But I’m pretty sure it was real as many of the students nearby stopped what there were doing and just bowed their heads in silence. I didn’t remember being told about this but still I stopped what I was doing and joined in with the two minute silence. There sat in this eerie hush on the steps of the Stopford building, in the heart of Manchester, it dawned on me that today was 9/11.

I thought about the families that had lost loved ones and what their lives must be like and whilst everyone else got up and went about their day; I remained seated on the cold stone steps. For some reason, I felt incredibly bad that I had forgotten and part of me couldn’t understand why. I wasn’t personally connected to any of the 9/11 victims so why this sudden guilt? And then it hit me. Whilst I was going about my daily life, doing what needed to be done, how easy had it been for me to forget those we had lost? I don’t just mean the people associated with this day, but people closer to home - our own loved ones, our family and friends. If I could forget this day that was incredibly well documented and talked about, how easy would it be for me to forgot those people that I love who are no longer in this world. Those people that aren’t well known to the rest of the world but for me they hold a special place in my heart.

In all honesty that scared me; that I may one day forget and I made a promise to myself that I would try and avoid that all costs. However this past year at the hospital has taught me that sometimes it is out of our control. The patients with dementia had no idea that they would be struck down by this terrible illness and in essence they have been stripped of their memories. It has made me appreciate life a lot more and I learnt (from my own patients in fact) that we should cherish every moment as we never know when we may lose it all. And so I believe I owe it to those that have gone; to keep their memory alive. Some people might say that it is unwillingness on my part to let go of the past, which they may deem as unhealthy. However I see it differently. It is those losses that have made me who I am today and taught me some invaluable life lessons. To forget those people would be an ungrateful act on my behalf.