My Fears...

There are many things that I fear; spiders (eek!), the dark, not being to fulfil my ambitions but there is one reoccurring fear that I find in many other people... a fear of change.

Why do a lot of us fear change? Bad changes I understand but good changes - surely there’s nothing to be afraid of there? The question applies to so many people I know, my father, elder relatives, perhaps a few of my cousins and close friends and actually even myself as well.

I find myself sometimes going through phases. There are times when I know what I want and what I need to go do get it... but it’s like I’m stuck and can’t seem to move myself forward. Filling in forms for uni courses, applying for jobs, actions that could change the path of my life and yet I feel afraid I guess. What if I get a job and never go back to higher education? What if I start studying again and fulfil my aim to become a successful medic in my chosen field only to realise it that perhaps it wasn’t worth all that? I think the thought of making that leap scares me more than I realised. Other times it seems that everything is working out for me and I am reassured that this is the path that I would like to undertake in life and I will be successful (InshAllah). A medical professional is my ultimate goal and I often find myself daydreaming about what it will be like when I’ve accomplished my goal. My heart feels so happy and I welcome change gladly with open arms.

I KNOW what I want from my life, that’s not the problem... it’s just working out how to get there. Sometimes I think I just need a good kick up the backside, which is where my mother comes in. I’m so thankful that’s she’s in my life (mashAllah) and often wonder what would become of me if she didn’t support me the way she does.

At the same time I find myself thinking of others that felt like me; my father being one of them. Sometimes he’s so happy go lucky and such a jokey and cheerful guy (mashAllah) and then other times he manages to stress himself so badly, that it can be difficult to watch. I think he compares how his childhood was to how mine was and it scares him that everybody is so independent these days. That’s not to say I don’t need him in my life as I will always want the presence of my father as well as my mother in life. I want them to be able to meet their grandkids and pass their knowledge and wisdom onto them. That’s another fear I have, my parents, my family not being around me but that’s a post topic for another day!

So I wonder what you guys out there are afraid of... feel free to share :)