21st Birthday

What would have been my sister’s 21st birthday this year (January 14th); got me reminiscing with my friends about our 21st birthdays. What we all planned, how they turned out and what we felt like after. We relived quite a few memories; some good parties, some hilariously embarrassing moments... argh everyone cringe!

I remember my 21st was a lot of fun :) Friday night, good food, good company, remembering our years at uni together, the ups and the downs. The final year of our undergraduate degrees, nearing the end of the lab period for our research projects; the last time we’d all be together stress free. That's before the exam fever took over and the panic to get work submitted on time began in the coming months, lol. Ah soo many good memories!

Growing up

Lately I’ve been wondering about my family situation in terms of how we all contribute to each other lives. My family unit consists of my mother and father, followed by me the eldest daughter, then my sister Aisha who is two years younger than me and then finally my baby brother, Bilal of which there is a considerable age gap of 12 years!

I found myself thinking back to the time of when my mother initially announced she was pregnant and the range of emotions I went through. The initial shock progressed into slight embarrassment that I would have such a young sibling and what would people say and then finally it turned into excitement leading up to the months of his birth. I found myself fully immersed in making sure the baby’s room was ready, that he had all the necessary things required and so forth. I think it was also a comfort to my mum at the time as well that her eldest daughter had accepted this news and didn’t resent her for it. Our parents would have a son as well as daughters and we would know what it was like to have a brother as well as a sister. I don’t think it was an asian thing of having to have a son for the family name but more than it would complete our family. Although my sister and I loved each dearly, it felt like the arrival of that baby would complete our family and we wouldn’t have the need to look elsewhere to fulfil that brother/son role. I mean I had my elder cousins but it’s not always the same thing, as I’m sure they would agree.

As time went on, Bilal became the favourite play thing in our family. He was the youngest one out of all my cousins and got more attention than any of us had, both from the young and old alike. Before Bilal came, Aisha was considered the youngest in our family and she was the one who got the most attention. Initially when mum came home from the hospital, Aisha was very confused about who the baby belonged to and didn’t really like the idea of having him around. However as time progressed, she grew to love him and was fiercely protective of him which surprised me a little. In years to come, this role was to be reversed as Aisha began to lose her independence. Despite being the baby, it was Bilal who cast his watchful eye over Aisha when mum and I weren’t around and would promptly inform us if she fell, had a knock or needed some attention. Bilal was a mature little boy for his age, mashAllah and I was pleased that there was a strong bond between us three siblings. Due to our difference in ages, my relationship with Bilal had more of a motherly feel to it, whereas with Aisha, I think I was more playful and jokey as we were equals and I could share a lot of my thoughts with her as she was on my wavelength. Aisha however seemed to be equally playful with both of us, regardless of our ages.

I wonder though; if Bilal had been born earlier, so that he was a closer age to Aisha and I, would things have been different. By introducing Bilal at such a late stage in our lives, had our parents been unfair to us? Would Aisha have been forced to leave her childhood quite so early with his arrival? Did we pay more attention to Bilal than we did to Aisha and was it this lack of attention what lead to how Aisha’s life ended up the way it did? Similarly as a teenager, would I have been forced to mature quicker had Bilal not been around? Did his presence alter my need to act responsibly as I now had not one but two siblings to set an example for? Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t imagine my life without Bilal as I love both my siblings dearly, albeit in different ways. But my question is this; did Aisha and I both have to release our grip on our childhood quicker than expected due to Bilal’s arrival? I guess there are some things that I will never know the answer to...