Confusion on Christianity

Halifax, West Yorkshire is a predominantly white area with very few asian people. It’s where my sister and I grew up and spent most of our lives there. We were literally the only asian’s in the village and yet I never resented it, I accepted it and liked living there... a lot. Despite some restrictions, I felt a real sense of belonging within the community. Then just as I about to embark on my Gcse’s, my father decided to move to Bradford, where he had spent most of his life. Suddenly I found myself dropped into the middle of a very big asian community. Where everyone knows everyone else’s business, traditional dress was seen as a must for girls (even at school!) jeans were a no no and if you didn’t join in with the big debates (on religion, politics or how the west was slowly destroying the east) then you were seen as a bit weird.

As a British national, born in the united kingdom yet with an ethnic origin classed as Pakistani (where my parents descended from) I still found it incredibly hard to accept this new community. I didn’t get their mentality (and I still don’t most of time) and didn’t seem to share the same interests as the majority of my classmates. I may have looked the part but my accent was always a giveaway (mine being a broad Yorkshire accent and the rest class having a bradfordian accent).

I’m ashamed to say that I also didn’t know all that much about my religion. I mean I knew the basics but I hadn’t memorised parts of the Quran like some of the other people in my class had. I only ever learnt about Islam during R.E lessons at my school in Halifax and through my parents at special times of the year such as Ramadan. Ironically though I could recite the Lord’s prayer at the drop of a hat and still can. I read the bible during Friday morning assemblies, at my school and knew all the biblical stories, who all the characters were and what the moral of each story was. When going out to meet other family members, I used to like getting dressed up in fancy clothes, watching Bollywood movies and listening to asian music. I didn’t mind the culture, in fact I quite liked it and sometimes craved it as I wasn’t exposed to it as often.

But moving to Bradford and being totally surrounded by that same culture 24/7 felt rather strange. It’s like when I visit my extended family in Pakistan, I feel out of sorts there as well. However a good thing that came out of our move was that I learnt more about my religion, which was great. I mean I‘m not claiming that I know everything about Islam but I feel more comfortable as a muslim and knowing what my religion is about. Also I started University fairly soon after, which was great as it gave me a lot more freedom and I felt much more at ease. In terms of the culture, I eventually got used to it but that doesn’t mean I agree with it. Even now, when having discussions with other people, I still can’t get my head around how other people in the community think and why they say and do the things they do.

Having a dual personality can be a blessing and a curse. I think growing up in here in England, I feel I’m able to fit in better in society. Perhaps better than someone who wasn’t born here and so doesn’t get the english way of life. But then ultimately the colour of my skin will always make me stand out. At the same time, I feel I fit into the desi community as well but then again my natural curiosity, questioning the norm and not willing to accept everything at face value makes me stand out again. I feel a real sense of displacement sometimes. Where do I belong... the asian community or the english community?